Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Fizzled

I mentioned one, two, or a few times that things with Cute Boy have fizzled.  

It's done, but there was no drama.

Neither one of us seemed to want to admit it wasn't working, so we just sort of fizzled.  

The distance turned out to be too much.

When we first met, my school year was coming to an end and he had more time on his hands.  Summer came and I was off as was he.

Then I started back to work and then he started a new business.

I tried to be supportive, but there was just no time and he couldn't make me a priority... oh not above his kids or even his business, but in the little time he did have, there was no room for me and that was not okay with me.

Our Summer Romance could not weather the cold reality of Fall. ~Corny, I know, but I couldn't help myself~  *winks*

I'm sad, because I really did like him.  I wasn't in love, but I could have been. 

There was a "click," a chemistry, when we met that I'd never experienced before... not even with my ex... because I've never before dated someone I wasn't friends with first.  That whole instant attraction thing caught me by surprise. It was fun and I enjoyed it.

I tried to be very careful with my emotions, because there were so many obstacles and I didn't want to get in over my head, but I was aware of just how close I was to that line and how easy it would be to go over it if I let myself. 

And part of me wanted to... oh, gosh how I wanted to.

Because it would have been so easy if he'd been the one

Because dating is hard and I don't like it and I don't relish having to make myself available again and truthfully I probably won't.  

It was nice to be part of a couple again.  I'd missed that.  It fills a hole, that place in my life that's for things that are just for me.

He wasn't the one and that's okay, but this has caught me off guard in that it's a little harder to "get over" than I anticipated and I've struggled some with that... why I am so upset.

Then, one day last week, I wandered over to Single Mom in a Complicated World and she said something that really resonated; something about falling for the hope and possibility rather than the person and I thought, "That's IT!"

Oh, I'm not trying to diminish the way I felt about him... I really did like him, but it's the little corner of my heart that hopes for romance...to be worth the effort...to be swept off my feet... that my dreams are finally coming true... it's loss of THAT possibility that has me feeling so disappointed.

It makes me sad that he was not in God's plan for me.

I kind of hoped that it was time for God's plan for me to match up with what I wanted.  Now I pray that God's plan is not for me to be alone forever, because I really would like to share my life with someone.

The right someone. 

My faith in Him is not wavering, but my patience is wearing thin.

I am truly tired of doing this all on my own.  I want to be important to someone. I have a good life, but I think I deserve true happiness.
 



20 comments:

Heather said...

I think you will find someone, it just has to be the right time.

I am always so impressed by those couples who find love the 2nd time around or "later in life" - it is usually like they are so much more in love and appreciate each other so much more.

Fingers crossed you find that when it is the right time.

The Blonde Duck said...

I'm so sorry. :(

Ellen Stewart (aka Ellie/El/e/Mrs. Seaman) said...

You are important to many people, and you are important to God.

When I was single, for 19 years, I really wasn't interested in dating. Eventually, God placed the want for a husband on my heart, and it was so strong, I used to pray, "Hey if this isn't your plan, remove this feeling." He didn't.

About 18 months later, I met Brad. He wasn't at all what I thought I was looking for, but God had different plans...

Diane said...

I know how the feels. All too well. But I also now how it feels when the right one finally does come along again. Hang in there and don't ever give up!

tessica said...

You do deserve it! You do!

Tara R. said...

I'm sorry things with Cute Boy didn't work out, but it sounds like the experience was a good thing still. Giving you more insight into what you want and deserve in a relationship.

Shell said...

You do deserve happiness. And I pray you find that with someone (soon!).

But, reading this post makes me smile- I was worried about you, but after reading this, I can see that you aren't heartbroken over this. Sad and disappointed, yes- but not heartbroken. He wasn't the right one for you, my friend.

Missy said...

Visiting from PYHO- it sounds like you have a good perspective on it, which is good! I wish you luck - you will find someone when it's right. Hug.

StardustSavannah said...

You ARE worth it, and maybe this really had nothing to do with you- maybe it was simply not the right time in his life.
Never say never.
And it will come along; when you stop looking. Always does. Have faith in that part of it:)

Slamdunk said...

Sorry to hear that Single Mom.

Your faith is inspiring--it is frustrating but comforting to know there is a plan...

Jessica said...

You WILL find happiness. I just feel it. It always hits us when we arent looking.

Cliche? Yes. But true!

Jenn [ Crippled Girl ] said...

I'm sorry things didn't work out like you had hoped. *hugs*

DysFUNctional Mom said...

This resonates with me on so many levels.
Dating SUCKS!!
I'm glad you're doing well with it all. xoxo

Andrea (ace1028) said...

You know I'm sorry. It sucks, plain and simple. I'm sorry it didn't turn into what could have been, but I truly believe that someone as amazing as you can and will find the right person to let into your life and to accept you fully into theirs. You may not want to look for it, but I don't think you have to. I think you'll find it, him, when it's right. And if you don't want to, then so be it, you're amazing either way. I puffy heart you. Much love.

Anastasia said...

You absolutely deserve happiness and it will come. I'm glad you can keep your faith.

Amy said...

I can realate to everything you've said here. When I get close to someone I always wonder if it is the idea of being part of couple that keeps me working on the relationship or is it truly the person I want to be with.

Keep going. When the time is right, the person for you will show up.

Tiffany said...

I'm sorry my friend that it didn't work out. You never know what God has in store for you. That relationship could have been the ice breaker to open your heart up to the possibility of a relationship. I'm glad you can find the good in it and I have faith you will mend.
love you girl! xoxo

SassyModernMom said...

Sending you hugs and strength until you do find that perect someone. I'm sure he is out there somewhere!

Mrs4444 said...

Being in your position has to be so tough. Keeping my fingers crossed for you that there's a new man in your new year :)

hopEyG said...

i stumbled upon ur blog. i feel the same way. wanting something just for me. frustrated with the waiting. i keep hoping that it will all be worth it in the end.