Wednesday, December 21, 2011

PYHO: Their Own Holiday Traditions

One of the things that was hardest for me to come to terms with when my marriage ended was the loss of family holidays and traditions... all those years of growing up with mom and dad and family and special routines... it felt like my children weren't going to get that... it would be different every other year... there would be no consistency for them.

It took a few years, but I realized a few things.  

1.  That heartbreak was mine, not theirs.  They were too young to remember their dad and I together, so this was their normal.  It hurt ME that their childhood Christmases wouldn't be like mine, but they didn't know the difference!

2.  They would make their own traditions and they have.  Without realizing the significance of what they've done, my children have their own rituals that they demand regardless of where they are on Christmas...Things like the Elves leaving pajamas on their pillow on Christmas Eve, getting 3 presents from Santa and this one about which I posted last year. Boy Howdy, don't think they'll let either their dad or I forget!

I can relax.  Maybe their childhood didn't turn out like I thought it would... maybe it's not like mine ~ which, while traditional and good, had it's own warts *winks*~ but they have done their own thing, without a conscious thought. As the only living reminders of a union and family unit that no longer exists, they have made their own little unit... one that is just for them and comes with it's own traditions.

I couldn't be more proud and I probably love them even harder for it!

I hope your holiday is filled with love, laughter, and family traditions.

I am going shopping... I need more butter and biscuits! *grins*


15 comments:

jen@ living a full life said...

I think that's what happens with us mom's we hurt for our kids sometimes even when we don't have to. It's a mom thing!

Your kids sound like amazing kids!

Ellen Stewart (aka Ellie/El/e/Mrs. Seaman) said...

My son's father and I divorced when he was 1. So his tradition has a always been a Christmas with his dad on the 23rd into the 24th and one with me and family on the 24th into the 25th. So unlike mine.

My four grandparents lived until I was older, though one died in HS, the others lived until I was an adult. They were a big part of my childhood. Mac's gramma, my mom, died when he was five. His other grampa shortly after that, his nutty grandma moved to the UK, and my dad died when Mac was a freshman. So unlike mine.

But there are still things he loves--even at 25. He came home from grad school last week and opened 17 Advent calendar doors after being through our door for about give minutes. He looks for special ornaments on the tree. He loves his stocking. He'll still hang with his dad, go to a movie and have dinner on the same days.

I love that about him.

I love that about Christmas.

Tara R. said...

It's wonderful that your kids are helping to create their own holiday traditions.

I hope you and children have a wonderful Christmas

Shell said...

You're right- this is their normal- and it sounds like they are perfectly happy with their own traditions!

Not a Perfect Mom said...

eh, what' normal nowadays anyway?
your kids have great holidays, traditions are in the making...and everyone is happy...
sounds like you're doing great to me...

SassyModernMom said...

What a beautiful post!!! Going to call my newly divorced girlfriend and pass on some of your wisdom:)

Di said...

Ugh - it is isn't any easier when you stay together. Hubby and I are struggling to fit it all in and its only Jellybean's first Christmas!

Hope you have and yours have a very, merry and joyous Christmas!

Single Mom said...

Thank you for this post. I've been feeling sad about this exact thing and it's my daughter's first ever Christmas. It helps to see there is some light at the end of the tunnel.

Mrs. MidAtlantic said...

Love that you are creating and embracing new traditions! Even in a married household, my little family is still getting its footing on holiday traditions. Hubby and I have very different views on how Christmas should be celebrated! We're integrating and making our own thing. And that's good.

StardustSavannah said...

They are rocking it...its what happy, healthy, well adjusted individuals do. All in their own style.
Be PROUD Mama. You're doing just fine!!
Happy Holidays to you too.
Tracy

Lisha @ DeLovely Life said...

Mmmm. Butter and biscuits! Well, I'm so happy that even though it wasn't what you expected, that it's something to be joyful about all the same. Kids are funny that way and so resilient. Happy Christmas!!

Tiffany said...

You're right girl, it's their traditions. Actually it's yours too, the ones you have made with them despite not having their dad there. You're an amazing mom!

One a side note : whatcha baking?

bigguysmama said...

Ya, making new traditions isn't the easiest, but with our kids so young, it's a normal they'll always know. I've brought things from my growing up years that can still be done with my kids. So...it's all good. =) So fun about the jammies on their pillows.

~Mimi

Jackie said...

What a lovely little post! There's always something great about that a-ha moment where we realize we haven't screwed things up as much as we might have imagined!
Merry Christmas!

Mrs4444 said...

This is an awesome post. I'm so glad to know this. Now you can free up your consciousness for a different guilt over parenting, right?! :)