For the first time in, well, a very long time, maybe ever, my New Year's Resolution will NOT be to lose weight! ~ and now I promise to stop talking about it, but it did sort of lend itself to what I'm getting at.~ When I came to this realization, I thought, "Oh crap! Now what are my goals going to be for myself this year?"
I really had to think. All that thinking made me a little unhappy with myself... sometimes when you take time to reflect and look at yourself, you don't so much like what you see.
If you are a regular reader, you know that I've had a rough fall. Nothing hugely major, but my job has been really overwhelming this year, coupled with The Boy's killer football schedule, needing to get a new car, which led to a bit of a falling out with my mom and a bit of a money crunch,Cute Boy and I deciding to call it quits etc, etc. All this has left me feeling like I'm under a black~okay, gray, it's not that bad~ cloud that I cannot shake.
I'm lonely. Many of you know I embarked on my first relationship since moving Below the Mason Dixon Line this year. It was fun and a wonderful learning experience, but it also made me remember what I was missing and maybe I held on to something that wasn't working a little longer than I should have, because the alternative, being alone, was not a place to which I wanted to go back. When I realized, that once again, there would be no one to plan the year with as the ball dropped on New Year's Eve; that AGAIN, for the sixth year in a row, I would be alone... DEPRESSING!
It occurred to me that I needed a change in attitude. I've just been waiting for someone to drop into my life and make me happy and that's just not good enough. I want better for myself.
This year, I need to organize and declutter myself, my things, my life, and make time for me. I need to prioritize what things are most important to my children and me. I need to find the things that make me happy and content on my own. I know that there is a little part of me that will never feel fulfilled until I have found "the one" again... that craves being in a relationship.. but I can certainly work on everything else in the meantime.
My first goal is to be more diligent about keeping a budget. I'm not going to lie, money freaks me out. I think, it's because as a single mom, I don't have any other source of income. When my ex used to pick at me about "all the money he had to give me" I used to come back at him with, "Yes, but it's just me. If money is so tight for you, you at least have the option of having your wife work for a second income. That's not an available option for me!" Sure, I could find a new job. That would alleviate some stress and probably allow me to make more money, but I enjoy teaching and a different career would bring new stress and then I wouldn't be on the same schedule as my children, nor would I get to bring them to work with me every day.
Because I knew the restraints of my options, when I set out to rebuild after the divorce, I made sure I had a "No Touch" account at a separate institution. In fact, it's a managed account so I actually have to go through a financial adviser to get money out and she has strict instructions to run me through the ringer should I ever call. I've only touched it once... for the down payment on my house... which was one of the things for which the money was there. The down payment on the new"ish" car, came out of my regular savings account, but it was a big chunk, so my cushion is a little lighter than I'm used to. I'm feeling like if I'm not careful, I could have to touch that account and I don't like the way that feels. If I keep up with the dang budget, I'm hoping it will make me feel a little more in control.
I've got some things I want to do with my house... improvements I've wanted to make now that we've been here awhile. That will help too... and will force me to literally declutter. I have some items in my garage that need to go on Craig's List... including the pop up camp trailer that's been sitting in my yard for two years. I'd like to make a trip to IKEA and get those pieces for which I've had blue tape marked on the carpet... for THREE years! I'd like to print out and get caught up on the scrapbooks of photos I used to so enjoy making. I'm also THREE years behind... HMM... I see a theme here *grins*
I'd like to see if there is room in the budget for a cleaning lady, or maybe a monthly pedicure or bi monthly massage... things that would make me feel like I was pampering myself or making my life a little easier. I'd like to take my kids to Disney World again this summer, before The Boy is too old to be on the Kids' Meal Plan *grins*.
Those are my goals for this year. I worked on the physical me, now I need to work on the mental and spiritual me.
What will you work on this year?