Monday, January 2, 2012

New Year New Me?

For the first time in, well, a very long time, maybe ever, my New Year's Resolution will NOT be to lose weight! ~ and now I promise to stop talking about it, but it did sort of lend itself to what I'm getting at.~  When I came to this realization, I thought, "Oh crap!  Now what are my goals going to be for myself this year?" 

I really had to think. All that thinking made me a little unhappy with myself... sometimes when you take time to reflect and look at yourself, you don't so much like what you see.

If you are a regular reader, you know that I've had a rough fall.  Nothing hugely major, but my job has been really overwhelming this year, coupled with The Boy's killer football schedule, needing to get a new car, which led to a bit of a falling out with my mom and a bit of a money crunch,Cute Boy and I deciding to call it quits etc, etc. All this has left me feeling like I'm under a black~okay, gray, it's not that bad~ cloud that I cannot shake.

I'm lonely. Many of you know I embarked on my first relationship since moving Below the Mason Dixon Line this year.  It was fun and a wonderful learning experience, but it also made me remember what I was missing and maybe I held on to something that wasn't working a little longer than I should have, because the alternative, being alone, was not a place to which I wanted to go back.  When I realized, that once again, there would be no one to plan the year with as the ball dropped on New Year's Eve; that AGAIN, for the sixth year in a row, I would be alone... DEPRESSING!

It occurred to me that I needed a change in attitude. I've just been waiting for someone to drop into my life and make me happy and that's just not good enough.  I want better for myself.

This year, I need to organize and declutter myself, my things, my life, and make time for me.  I need to prioritize what things are most important to my children and me. I need to find the things that make me happy and content on my own.  I know that there is a little part of me that will never feel fulfilled until I have found "the one" again... that craves being in a relationship.. but I can certainly work on everything else in the meantime.  

My first goal is to be more diligent about keeping a budget.  I'm not going to lie, money freaks me out.  I think, it's because as a single mom, I don't have any other source of income.  When my ex used to pick at me about "all the money he had to give me" I used to come back at him with, "Yes, but it's just me.  If money is so tight for you, you at least have the option of having your wife work for a second income. That's not an available option for me!" Sure, I could find a new job. That would alleviate some stress and probably allow me to make more money, but I enjoy teaching and a different career would bring new stress and then I wouldn't be on the same schedule as my children, nor would I get to bring them to work with me every day.

Because I knew the restraints of my options, when I set out to rebuild after the divorce, I made sure I had a  "No Touch" account at a separate institution.  In fact, it's a managed account so I actually have to go through a financial adviser to get money out and she has strict instructions to run me through the ringer should I ever call.  I've only touched it once... for the down payment on my house... which was one of the things for which the money was there.   The down payment on the new"ish" car, came out of my regular savings account, but it was a big chunk, so my cushion is a little lighter than I'm used to. I'm feeling like if I'm not careful, I could have to touch that account and I don't like the way that feels. If I keep up with the dang budget, I'm hoping it will make me feel a little more in control.

I've got some things I want to do with my house... improvements I've wanted to make now that we've been here awhile.  That will help too... and will force me to literally declutter.  I have some items in my garage that need to go on Craig's List... including the pop up camp trailer that's been sitting in my yard for two years. I'd like to make a trip to IKEA and get those pieces for which I've had blue tape marked on the carpet... for THREE years! I'd like to print out and get caught up on the scrapbooks of photos I used to so enjoy making.  I'm also THREE years behind... HMM... I see a theme here *grins*

I'd like to see if there is room in the budget for a cleaning lady, or maybe a monthly pedicure or bi monthly massage... things that would make me feel like I was pampering myself or making my life a little easier. I'd like to take my kids to Disney World again this summer, before The Boy is too old to be on the Kids' Meal Plan *grins*.

Those are my goals for this year.  I worked on the physical me, now I need to work on the mental and spiritual me.

What will you work on this year?

Mama’s Losin’ It

12 comments:

Ellen Stewart (aka Ellie/El/e/Mrs. Seaman) said...

I was really glad to read this.

I was single for a long time, and I was sometimes lonely, but I worked on raising my son, getting my two degrees, helping my father as he died, and, well, growing.

When Brad came along, I was ready and it was right. I look back on the few bad relationships I had, and I'm so glad they didn't work out.

Monday morning quarterbacking, sure, but it's true.

You will only become stronger and a better potential mate through focusing on your family and home. It is your HOME, and it too deserves attention.

Aubrey S. said...

First of all, I'm here because of Mamarazzi's challenge to blog jog this week. So, HI!

Second, good for you for recognizing and putting it out there that money changes are necessary this year. My Mister and I were having this discussion yesterday. We really need to buckle down and save for home improvements and the emergency fund.

And I'm so glad that while you're working to put more back in the savings, you're still leaving room for a little pampering. You're worth that.

Have a fabulous week!

jen@ living a full life said...

I'm going to be working this year on my physical self. Getting more healthful, eating better, being more active. Hopefully resulting in weight loss.

And even though I'm couldn't begin to imagine the life or stresses of single motherhood I sincerely believe once you feel personally and emotionally settled then the right guy will drop on you lap. It happens all the time, really!

Diane said...

I hope you get everything your heart desires this year. You deserve it.
Happy New Year!

Shell said...

I bet you'd find that a monthly housekeeper is a lot less than you think. That would be a great stress relief for you!

I'd love to take the kids to Disney again.

Babes Mami said...

This sounds like a great plan for 2012!!

Charlotte said...

I agree with Shell... I'm hoping that a house keeper isn't terribly expensive and that it would save you a lot of stress in the new year. It sounds like you are taking on many things but I think focusing on a spiritual new you is a great goal in the new year.

I'm sorry things didn't work our with cute boy but I always say: better single and happy than in a relationship and miserable. Take this time and focus on YOU. Because you deserve that kind of attention.

Happy new year! Xoxo

Jennifer said...

YES! Maybe we can partner up and challenge each other to do one special thing for ourselves each month. It is so, so hard for me to do things for myself.

Galit Breen said...

I absolutely love the phrase "declutter myself!"

Happy 2012- I think it's going to be amazing! :)

JDaniel4's Mom said...

I need to declutter my house and myself. Oh! and I want to paint. (The house)

Arnebya said...

If I made a list, decluttering (the home and myself) would be at its top. Your list is of realistic, attainable, thought-out things; good luck!

Shrine Readers said...

As a single mom, I can relate to it all! Happy New Year!!!