I had plans to go out on a recent weekend evening. I'd even hired a sitter. With a small group of friends, I was going to go watch another friend's husband's band play. I'd seen them before, when I posted about going on a date with my brother-in-law, but it's been awhile and I was looking forward to it!
Then, at T-minus 3 hours, my posse started dropping like flies until I was all on my own. ~ I'm interrupting myself to tell you how much I hate this. Luckily, it doesn't happen often, but when it does, it's usually my married friends, who get to the weekend and are tired and decided they don't feel like it and cancel because their husbands were their sitters and the certainly aren't going to complain if my friends decide to stay home, or in this case, a single friend who has family watching her child, so wasn't paying a sitter. To cancel like that at the last minute and leave someone hanging with a paid sitter...SO.NOT.COOL! Either I cancel on the sitter and screw her, or I waste money on a sitter when I now have no plans! GGGRRRR~ Anywho, this may not seem like a big deal. I was going to know plenty of other people there, including one of the members of the band. BUT, I am not a "Go By Myself" kind of girl. I need a posse or in the very least, a wing man... the go to girl/guy to whom you know you can talk. I HATE HATE HATE going places on my own. Heck, I'm the typical girl who won't even go to the bathroom in a bar by herself!
At the end of a long week, I found myself in tears with disappointment. Really, just like I wasn't crying over the burnt grilled cheese ~same day~ I wasn't crying over that. I was crying for my friend, someone who would have been there with the people I would know at the bar if she wasn't in the hospital with her little girl. Which was all the more reason I really wanted to go. I wanted to celebrate with this group of friends, to be with them and blow off some much needed steam. But, these people, while more than acquaintances, are not in my "inner circle" if you will. They are not my posse. My posse was the friends I was supposed to be bringing with me and they had all deserted me. I didn't want to have to latch on to one of these non-posse friends so they could babysit me and my insecurities, because really, in the grand scheme of things, with the news we'd gotten, my insecurities were not important. I wanted to bring my OWN DARN POSSE, the ones who know how I am in situations like this!
That was not to be, so I had to a decision to make: Step out of my box, put on my Big Girl Pants, and go ~Wasn't one of my goals for this year, NOT to sit on the sidelines? ~ or do the safe thing and go read at Barnes & Noble for an hour or so, since I refused to cancel the sitter at the last minute!
You know what?
I got their early, because I hadn't bought tickets in advance. I bought myself a Hard Cider and I sat, by myself, for a half hour before anyone I knew got there. Since the venue was downtown, I even survived being taunted by the creepy men outside the bus depot as I walked by ~I didn't feel unsafe, but I'll admit that I was so worried about walking into the bar by myself, I sort of forgot about walking to and from the car. I made sure I left with friends, so did have an escort to the car at the end of the night.~ and once my friends got there,
I HAD A BLAST!
In fact, my friend the bandwife, she even tried to introduce me to a guy. It didn't go well... I just wasn't feeling it... to far out of my box already... but I made conversation. I visited with people I enjoy. We talked about our missing friend, but mostly we celebrated. We danced. We heard good music.
We had fun!
I'm so proud of myself! I think my Big Girl Pants are HOT! *giggles*