I was really touched by your responses to my post about the days leading up to realizing I was pregnant with The Boy. Of course, it got me thinking...
When a marriage is falling apart and you are really at odds with each other, what do you do with the happy memories?
I've learned to let them lie and be what they are:
Because those moments, between those two people, they were happy... dreams were coming true... and that doesn't change just because things didn't work out.
The fact is, that regardless of the motivation that might be assigned to it in retrospect, The Boy, who was then just "a baby" was very much planned and wanted and welcomed.
We were so very young and in many ways, innocent, and so very blessed in that we said we wanted a baby, we started trying, and BAM! we got pregnant ~In fact, my ex may have been heard complaining more than once that he wished it hadn't happened quite so fast, because it went from being really fun to not in a matter of weeks, you know, with the nausea and emotions and exhaustion and all... *winks*
That isn't changed by what's happened in the years since, because those two people...that young couple... they got that baby and they still love him and cherish him, even if they are now doing it apart, instead of together like they originally planned.
It's okay to remember the "happy," because it was just that in the moment:
It is a gift I can give my children...to know that they were born out of the love of both of their parents and that both of their parents still love them in their own way. It is okay, when the moment warrants to give them silly, happy memories of our time together, because we had 12 years of it.
Oh, lessons can be learned too, about love that is too young and doesn't develop into lasting love and how to nurture love so the cycle isn't repeated, but in the meantime, my children are young and they don't remember what it was like to have their parents be together and they need to know about the happy.