Wednesday, February 29, 2012

PYHO: When He Breaks Your Child's Heart

My Boy's dad broke his heart last week.

There wasn't a damn thing I could do to prevent it.

Just as I was getting ready to publish this post, he was supposed to call. He had called the night before and I heard them on the phone making plans to speak the next night.  The Boy confirmed when he got off the phone that Daddy would call the next night. They had a plan.

We raced home from practice the next evening.  The Boy jumped into the shower quickly so he'd be ready and The Girl waited with the cordless phone so that she could take the call if The Boy wasn't out yet.

He didn't call. In fact, he did call again until two nights ago, an entire week after he was supposed to. No explanation, nothing and while he doesn't call every night, he does usually call more than once in a week.

My sweet, sweet boy hugged me so hard as I tucked him in that night. Then he cried... he tried so hard not to, but he was disappointed and heartbroken and he couldn't help it.

There was nothing I could do to make the hurt go away. I told him I was sorry and that I knew how disappointed he was.  I did not offer excuses, because there are none and I did not say mean things about his father, even though I wanted to, because how would that help?

My Girl, she took the cordless upstairs each night, for four nights, sneaking it up so I knew, but The Boy didn't..."just in case, Mommy" and until finally she gave up hope that he would call.  

I would gladly throttle him.

I know that hurt and disappointment and hard knocks are part of life, but not like this...not from your own father. Your father is supposed to be there to help you bounce back from those life lessons... not cause you to learn them.

We pick up the pieces. I hug them hard and my sister, bless her, SHE calls.  It's not the same, but it helps. She lets them know they are loved.

My baby's heart got broken and I couldn't stop it. In fact, I inadvertently played into it,  so my heart is broken too.

25 comments:

Natalie said...

There are just no words to describe how much that upset and annoyed me. Poor Boy.. Some people just don't know what they've got- if he doesn't play his cards right as your son gets older suddenly he'll find he's got a lot more to lose than The Boy has... ((Hugs)) to you all x

The Blonde Duck said...

Your poor kids.

Heather said...

So so sad. Your poor boy. Your little girl for all her spiciness is so compassionate. I think that broke my heart even more that she was trying to protect her big brother.

Once again I applaud your restraint. I don't think I could help but I let out a few choice words.

Diane said...

That man is on the top of my sh** list. There is no excuse for that behavior. None.

I too applaud your restraint. I know you had to want to rip his head off.

Again, your kids are blessed to have you for their mama and sounds like they are blessed with a wonderful aunt too. :)

Ellen Stewart (aka Ellie/El/e/Mrs. Seaman) said...

Have you told him he's making his son cry?

Life As Wife said...

This breaks my heart. It stinks not to have control over what others do to our kids.

Tracy Wilson said...

I'm so so so very sorry about this-
but we went thru this too, so I can tell you how it will end if it continues.

My boys no longer really care if Dad calls. His life is too full of other things, since he doesnt have the responsibility of the three of us anymore.

In the end, Dad will be the one with nothing, not you and the Boy and the Girl.
Just be there. You really do cushion the blow, even tho it doesnt feel like it. I tried to act as go-between, I tried to talk to Dad and encouraged them to all stay in regular contact. I put aside my wishes, wants, and personal feelings on the subject to encourage a good relationship between the three of them.

They see more than even I knew, and I finally got tired of being responsible for even that. If he cannot foster a relationship with his own kids then screw him.
Keep your chin up- you're a GREAT mom.
Tracy

Andrea (ace1028) said...

Jackass. :(

I'm sorry. The boy, the girl, and YOU, you guys don't deserve to be so sad. But the boy - his heart doesn't need to be broken by the man who should work to protect it. I'm sorry, Mama.

Jenn [ Crippled Girl ] said...

This makes me SO angry. And sad. Sending you and the kids lots of love. *hugs*

Tiffany said...

I am so sad for your little boy. That man is such an a**!!!! Just when I think he might be making a turn (from your posts) he goes and does something cruel thing to the kids.
Is he doing it on purpose?! Seriously, I could slap him for you too.

Big hugs. For all three of you.

Mimi B said...

This just makes me so sad. My boys haven't been able to talk to their dad since September. It's been horrible. How do our kids recover from these disappointments? I know all we can do is be there for them and love on them even more.

Babes Mami said...

Makes me so sad too. I know how he feels and I hate that he has to feel it. Dads aren't supposed to let you down. Give him a hug from me!

SUPAHMAMA! said...

If you need me to bust some kneecaps, I'm your girl! What a jerk face.

Shell said...

Ugh, can I throttle him for you????

Pam said...

Oh, I am so sorry. It is so hard. From someone who went through that for many years, other mine was I get her ready to go when dad would tell us and then he would never show up. I finally got to the point that I would not get her ready until he was in my drive way, saved a lot of heart ache for her & me.
Then, one day I just said, don't bitch, don't scream & yell, don't make a big deal out of it, one day the child will figure out what the other parent is really like and not want to spend time with them. The child never forgets. Explain to the parent that the only person he is hurting is the child and whatever you do, make sure (not matter how hard it is) he knows it is not hurting YOU! Even though it is killing you and you just want to kill them, don't let that person know it. Keep it to yourself until he or the child is not around. It is so hard and I am sooo glad I don't have to go through that anymore. My kids are old enough to decide if they want to spend time with their dad or not.
Hope things get better.

Deb said...

There are no words for how much this upset me. I'm so sorry that your kids have to go through this.

Not a Perfect Mom said...

even though I knew this story, I'm still crying for them...like really crying...

The Blonde Duck said...

Hope things are better today.

Unknown Mami said...

I am so sorry.

I want to say that I think it is a good call on your part not to speak ill of "dad" in front of your child. I was raised by a single mother and she never once spoke ill of my father even though he was absent. I know that the opinions I formed of him are my own. As an adult, he spoke ill of my mother to me and it just showed how much classier my mother is than him. When I asked her why she never spoke ill of him she basically said something along the lines of...why would I burden you with that when I'm the one who chose him. She was not a perfect mother, but I think in this one instance she nailed it.

JDaniel4's Mom said...

What a terrible thing to do! He really doesn't get how important he is to them.

laci512 said...

Poor little guy! I feel so badly for your little guy. My hubs and I have had custody of his girls for the past 8 years, since their mom called from the jail and told hubs to either drive 3 hours to get them or that they were going into state custody. Naturally, we drove 3 hours at 2 am to get them. The first several years their mom would go months without making contact with her 3 and 5 year old daughters and when she did she would make empty promises to them. It used to make me so angry that she would get their hopes up and not follow through. Now, my nearly 14 year old realizes what hell her mom put her through and hardly wants anything to do with her and I have a really hard time blaming her.

I really feel for you and your son. I hope that things change and work out for the best for everyone. I know it hard!

Charlotte said...

Ugh. My heart breaks for your sweet boy :( But I love that his sis is so protective over him. You are a wonderful mommy and I'm glad that he has you--and a great aunt--for love and support.

Man, would I ever like to beat the you-know-what out of your ex though.

Amy said...

My heart breaks for your boy and girl. My son's dad hasn't done that to him but he has done plenty of other hurtful things. My son sees his dad often but there is not a close relationship and his dad says hurtful things that really upset my son. Most of the time he shrugs it off and tells me that it is okay because he has me to make up for what he doesn't get from his dad. It still breaks my heart but I am happy that I've managed to keep most of my feelings to myself and provide hugs and unconditional love. That is all we can do for them to help them through it. Good luck. It sounds like you are doing a wonderful job.

Lisha @ DeLovely Life said...

This hurts my heart.. I'm so sorry he had to experience that. And I hope that his father knows the pain that he inflicted and I hope that he a. never does it again and b. helps to heal that wound. Sigh...but it seems like people who do that sort of thing remain blissfully oblivious to the people they stomp on. Thank goodness he has you! Happy Friday!

Sara matheson said...

Your account was so clear. It made me cry. I'm sorry those tender hearts were violated, and betrayed. Hopefully he repairs the damage somehow. Thank God, your sister could fill the glass some. I'm sure that God will provide another salve as well.