Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Pour Your Heart Out: Cutting Myself Some Slack

The end of my relationship with Cute Boy and how I have been having some trouble really letting go has been on my mind a lot lately.  I mentioned it a few weeks ago ~Consequently I owe y'all an update on that post... but today is not that day. *wink*

It's really been bothering me... my inability to truly cut the cord and I've been feeling...well... I won't even lie, embarrassed, a little pathetic..like as a woman in my 30s I should be above what feels like a teenage attachment.

I was on the phone with my sister Evie on my way home from the airport last weekend and I was having a Grand Old Pity Party.  I'd had such a lovely visit with my parents and while I was itching to see my children, I DID NOT want to return to the responsibilities of my Big Girl Life.  I wanted to scoop up a child under each arm and head right back to my parents' comparatively carefree life at the retirement park.  I was really feeling sorry for myself.

Of course, because I was in full self-pity mode, Cute Boy came up.  My sister offered a pearl of wisdom that really gave me perspective.  She said to me, 

"Leigh, you didn't break up because you stopped having feelings for each other. You broke up because logistically, it just wasn't working and because of that, part of you was probably hoping that it would work out in time.  That's got to make it a little harder to get over.  Cut yourself some slack."

I knew this... on some level, I knew this, but hearing her say it out loud... oh it made me feel so much less crazy.  Having her validate my feelings, when she didn't know I'd been feeling them made me feel NOT pathetic.

I sat with that for a few days and came to another conclusion. I have told y'all the story of how my marriage ended...quickly and without much warning and how having to let it go without a fight was so difficult for me.

Not surprisingly, or maybe only surprising to me, it has stayed with me and again, I need to cut myself some slack, because I think this is how it is going to be for me for these next few relationships. I'm going to have to stick with them, fight for them, so to speak, until I really feel that the door is closed, because I didn't get to do that with my marriage.  

~Here's hoping I can be dignified about it and do most of the 'fighting' in my own head or conversations with my friends or here on the blog with y'all...otherwise, all that "making sure the door is really closed" might be a littler stalkeriffic! I think I can safely say I have done so this time...been dignified that is...not stalkeriffic!

This is my baggage.  Knowing it, I can move forward with caution, my eyes wide open and a little better understanding of myself, feeling NOT pathetic...Well, I'm still working on that part!

What was that I was saying about cutting myself some slack? *grins*


18 comments:

The Hopeful Romantic said...

It is essential - we spend far too long beatng ourselvess up for things we had no control over.

Heartfelt post!

Jenny said...

I know how you are feeling because I think we have all been there at least once.

It's hard to tell your head to listen to you when your heart is feeling something else. Stay strong.

Slamdunk said...

Yea for sisters and other family and friends who offer wisdom when we need it...

Putting the FUN in DysFUNctional said...

You are SO not pathetic, in any way shape or form.
Teenage girls haven't cornered the market on crushes or falling hard for the wrong person or wanting to be with someone you can't be with.
Or ugly snot-filled meltdowns, one of which I may or may not have had just the night before last.
Give yourself a break!! xoxoxoxo

Di said...

I think the hardest person to cut some slack to is yourself. I always say I just have really high expectations of myself. Then I expect everyone else to live up to them too.

That said - go easy on yourself! :)

ChiTown Girl said...

Yeah, what they said. :)

tessica said...

Well said, and I totally get it!!
Do cut yourself some slack! DO!

Andrea (ace1028) said...

You got it. You know it and your sister is totally right. You need to let yourself experience and get through these transitions and changes and hope that as you do you'll continue to grow stronger. Much love, mama. You will make it through!

Jenn [ Crippled Girl ] said...

Amen! Be good to yourself, it's the only person you can count on to give you exactly what you deserve, right?

But your sister is right - you do need to cut yourself some slack. And maybe treat yourself while you're at it! :)

Jennifer Gilbart said...

Good advise from your sister...and from you to yourself...about cutting yourself some slack. As long as you don't turn into a stalker you'll be just fine :)

Shell said...

I'm glad your sister was able to give you some perspective. Yes- cut yourself some slack.

Adrienne said...

It's always helpful when we know someone understands our feelings. Glad your sister made you feel better there.

Heather said...

Sometimes you have to love sisters who know you so well.

Cut yourself some slack. Please!

And yes own that baggage!

Mimi B said...

I think about the first guy I saw a couple months ago, and thankfully, me splitting with him was a good choice. Not easy, but good for me. =/ Sorry this hasn't been so easy for you! I'm glad your sister validated your feelings. Sometimes that's all we need.

Emmy said...

Girl, you are so strong and yes it is okay! So many people who have not been hurt have a hard time at the end of relationships so there is nothing to be ashamed of.

I am sorry it did not work out

Amy said...

Your sister's advice was perfect.

Just because we are no longer in our teens doesn't mean we can't feel those same feelings of giddiness over a new man, sadness when something ends, and hope that something might work out. I think it just takes a little longer for our big girl hearts to heal.

Charlotte said...

I love this post because I can tell it came from your heart. There's a lot of truth to what your sister said. When we hold on to that shred of hope that it COULD still work out, because technically nothing was wrong, it makes it a lot harder for us to cut the chord. But in the end, you have to always do what is right for you. You'll get there. Step by step. But you have to learn to cut yourself more slack~you're doing just fine. XOXO

Love you, girly!

Babes Mami said...

Loved this one, yes, definitely cut yourself some slack!