Last week I went up north, to drop my children off for my family's annual camping trip and to visit with my Grammy. Since I was already there and it's such a long trip, I went with my parents and children for a few days of the camping trip. I'd skipped it last year, figuring that my mother and I had had enough together time in the days leading up to my sister's wedding.
I was blindsided by my reaction to being on that vacation, in that place again.
It seems that some places will always hold negative emotions no matter how long it's been.
You see, my family has taken this trip, to this campground in some form or another for almost 20 years. I've been going for more than 10.
- This was that last family vacation we took, just my mom, dad, sister and I, before I got married.
- I camped pregnant with The Boy Child.
- It was on this trip, one year later, that I realized I was pregnant with The Girl.
- Most notably, it was the last vacation my ex and I took as a family. We split up just a month after that trip. It was NOT a good trip.
I've been there since. It was easy to go when I still lived up north and it was important to my kids.
But now, seven years later, it is not a place I need to be anymore. It seems it will always remind me of an awful time in my life.
Perhaps because I'd taken a year off last year and in that year, have begun dating again... been in two fairly serious relationships...truly moved on, I wasn't expecting the sense of ... dread... that overtook me when I entered the gates... I was quite literally fine one moment and not the next.