Wednesday, August 8, 2012

PYHO: Negative Spaces and Places

Last week I went up north, to drop my children off for my family's annual camping trip and to visit with my Grammy.  Since I was already there and it's such a long trip, I went with my parents and children for a few days of the camping trip. I'd skipped it last year, figuring that my mother and I had had enough together time in the days leading up to my sister's wedding.

I was blindsided by my reaction to being on that vacation, in that place again.

It seems that some places will always hold negative emotions no matter how long it's been.

You see, my family has taken this trip, to this campground in some form or another for almost 20 years. I've been going for more than 10.
  • This was that last family vacation we took, just my mom, dad, sister and I, before I got married.
  • I camped pregnant with The Boy Child.
  • It was on this trip, one year later, that I realized I was pregnant with The Girl.
  • Most notably, it was the last vacation my ex and I took as a family. We split up just a month after that trip.  It was NOT a good trip.
I've been there since. It was easy to go when I still lived up north and it was important to my kids.

But now, seven years later, it is not a place I need to be anymore. It seems it will always remind me of an awful time in my life.

Perhaps because I'd taken a year off last year and in that year, have begun dating again... been in two fairly serious relationships...truly moved on, I wasn't expecting the sense of ... dread... that overtook me when I entered the gates... I was quite literally fine one moment and not the next.

But this trip is important to my children, so I need to find a way to get them there without my going, because to me, it's just not worth it anymore.  I don't need to "go there."

12 comments:

nancygrayce said...

Oh, I hear you! And you're very wise to decide not to put yourself in situations or places that will bring hurt or horrible memories! You keep moving forward. The kids will have good times with grandparents and you will take control of your feelings!

DysFUNctional Mom said...

I think it's great that you're strong enough to say "enough". You are absolutely right to be done with it - who needs the bad memories?

Missy said...

It's so good that you recognize you don't want to be in that space now! Good luck getting your kids there - I hope it works out for them.

Misty Leask said...

It is very hard to work through difficult times, memories from those difficult times are hard especially when triggered with the visual memory. Possibly a time for the kiddos and grandparents :) Stoppin by from Things I Can't Say. Blessings from simplyhelpinghim.com

Shell said...

Doesn't seem like something you need to revisit! I hope you can find a way for them to go next year without you having to go along.

Leigh Powell Hines (Hines-Sight Blog) said...

Can you switch them to a summer camp near you, perhaps in the mountains?

Jessica Grace said...

I can so relate to this. The back way to my house is the same way I use to drive home when I was married to my ex husband. Sometimes things effect you so unexpectedly post break up. Do what ever you got to do to keep yourself going and don't feel guilty about it. When your kids grow up and seriously date someone they will understand. Keep strong you'll figure out what's best for you.

Babes Mami said...

It's always interesting to me, the emotions that we have attached to certain places/smells/people and the reactions to them! You don't need to go there again!

Jessica Grace said...

I just wanted to say also that I have been through a divorce and its hard a lot of people don't understand that even when your over it, you where married so occasionally your gonna hurt no matter how adjusted you are. Sometimes my boy friend gets mad at me hes like you've moved on. Why are you upset? Its like the death of a family, and that is a hurt that is going to hurt a little probably forever unfortunately no matter how fast you pull the band aid off and no matter how long its been. I think this is completely normal and as another divorced woman I just wanted you to know that there are people out there that understand you. If your ever looking for more support I blog about life after divorce over on blogspot http://bbruabadfish2.blogspot.com/

doseofreality said...

I tried to comment yesterday for SITS Sharefest and my computer was being wonky, and I could not get my post to work. Anyway, what I wanted to say was that I definitely think skipping a place that makes you feel like that is totally smart. Well done post.

Amy said...

I have been divorced for almost 14 years. There are still things that bring back memories I would rather forget. Some good but most of them are not. It doesn't happen as often as it did when the feelings were a little more raw but it can still happen.

You don't need to put yourself through something year after year that brings it all back.

Charlotte Klein said...

It really sucks when places that were once so special to us become bitter with memories.

It doesn't always work to create new memories. I think we've all tried to do that. Your idea of sending your children without you so you don't have to return to that emotional place sounds like a good idea to me.