Wednesday, August 15, 2012

PYHO: Saying Goodbye

Last week I told you about how I went up north so my children could go camping with my parents.  My original plan was to fly into the state capital, which is an hour or so from the campground and have my parents pick us up, rather than driving 10 hours to my parents, and then another 3 to the campground.  I would then fly home and the children's father would pick them up at my parents' house after the trip.

Then my Grammy got sick. I hadn't been home to see her since my sister's wedding last summer and I knew I needed to go, so we drove.

I explained to my children that Grammy was very sick and might not look as healthy as she did the last time we saw her and that this might be the last time we got to see her.  At the same time, my grandparents are extremely proud people and I knew that while we all KNEW this was probably goodbye, we weren't going to actually SPEAK about it, so I had to explain that to my children too.

Gosh they were champs!  We were in my hometown for two days and spent a few hours with my grandparents each day.  Grammy perked up for our visit and we played Skip Bo and watched the Olympics.

But its hard, so hard, seeing this woman who has been such an integral part of my life, just sort of fade away.  My mom and sister did such a good job of preparing me that she actually looked and acted better than I expected, but that may be because she was trying really hard for my children.

When I said goodbye, I hugged her hard, told her I loved her and that I would be home for Christmas.  We know...we know she probably won't be here then and if she is, she won't be in very good health, and I most definitely don't want her to suffer, but it made it feel a little less like goodbye.

A little more hopeful.

Like The Girl said after we talked, "It's just her time."

She is 88 and has lived a good life, but it is very hard not to hope, because even though I think she is at peace and ready to go, I am not ready to lose her.
 

18 comments:

organizedisland.com said...

Sorry to hear that your grandmother is not doing so well. It is so hard when grandparents and parents age. At least you got to spend some great time with her. I am sure she enjoyed being with all of you.

DysFUNctional Mom said...

So touching, and I love how wise The Girl is already.

Jessica Grace said...

Is must of been hard to explain to your kids. I can tell your a great mom the way you did it. no bs just real. I bet when they are older they really respect you for that. I'm sorry to hear about your grammy.

Kristin Leamy said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your Grammy, it's so hard. I'm so glad you and your kids were able to have special time with her, and that it was HAPPY time! That is a memory that will stay for all of you. <3

panamamama said...

I'm so sorry. My grandma died a few years ago and it was so hard, but peaceful in a way knowing we got to tell each other "good bye." Thanks for stopping by my blog today.

Shell said...

I'm glad you got this chance to say goodbye yet still have that hope of maybe seeing her again. xo

Deb said...

I'm so sorry about your Grammy. And I know how you feel about not wanting to lose her. I've been losing my Grammy to Alzheimer for the last 2 years. Always remember the happy memories...that's what she'd want you to do.

Leigh Powell Hines (Hines-Sight Blog) said...

I am so sorry. I know that is hard. I lost my grandparents when I was young. It must be nice to have grandparents for a good part of your adult life, but it makes the goodbye so much harder.

Blond Duck said...

I'm so sorry.

Stephanie said...

With tears in my eyes I send you hugs. So hard, yet so glad you got a nice visit in.

Mimi B said...

I knew two Christmas's ago that it would probably be my last with my grandma. I'm so thankful I had my time with her, same as you did with your grandma! What a blessing for your kids to have time with her as well. It's never easy to let them go. <3

Paloma said...

I am so sorry... Life is hard... because we all know it ends! At least here anyway... but praise God she's had a long life filled with family who loves her... I can tell you do... and that's a blessing! I'll keep you and your family in my prayers! Big hugs!

Babes Mami said...

I am so ill prepared for my Grandma to die, logically I know it will happen but I tell her she's going to be 203 before she dies. Lately, she has stopped fighting me about it and said that she will live forever. I'm sorry. :[

Charlotte Klein said...

Oh, I'm so sorry to hear this :( It sounds like your grammy is such a strong wonderful woman. The trip you made with your kiddies is probably more important to her than you will ever know. It meant the world to her and I'm glad she was in good spirits when you saw her.

Thinking of you and sending many warm thoughts to your family and beloved grandma. XOXO

"GB" said...

I am sorry to hear about your Grammy but so happy you got to spend time with her.

Aleta said...

Oh *Hugs* I could feel the love in this post for your grandmother. It's good that you were able to prepare your children and prepare yourself, so that you and your kids could appreciate and enjoy this time together with her.

nancygrayce said...

My mama is 88 almost 89 and she's really had no quality of life for a long time, but it will still be hard to lose her. I'm sad for you and with you.

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