Last week I told you about how I went up north so my children could go camping with my parents. My original plan was to fly into the state capital, which is an hour or so from the campground and have my parents pick us up, rather than driving 10 hours to my parents, and then another 3 to the campground. I would then fly home and the children's father would pick them up at my parents' house after the trip.
Then my Grammy got sick. I hadn't been home to see her since my sister's wedding last summer and I knew I needed to go, so we drove.
I explained to my children that Grammy was very sick and might not look as healthy as she did the last time we saw her and that this might be the last time we got to see her. At the same time, my grandparents are extremely proud people and I knew that while we all KNEW this was probably goodbye, we weren't going to actually SPEAK about it, so I had to explain that to my children too.
Gosh they were champs! We were in my hometown for two days and spent a few hours with my grandparents each day. Grammy perked up for our visit and we played Skip Bo and watched the Olympics.
But its hard, so hard, seeing this woman who has been such an integral part of my life, just sort of fade away. My mom and sister did such a good job of preparing me that she actually looked and acted better than I expected, but that may be because she was trying really hard for my children.
When I said goodbye, I hugged her hard, told her I loved her and that I would be home for Christmas. We know...we know she probably won't be here then and if she is, she won't be in very good health, and I most definitely don't want her to suffer, but it made it feel a little less like goodbye.
A little more hopeful.
Like The Girl said after we talked, "It's just her time."