Wednesday, September 12, 2012

PYHO: Baggage

We all have it, but sometimes when you realize the extent of your own, it's almost embarrassing.  It can take you beyond rational thought, where one side of your head knows your actions make no sense, but you just can't stop the Crazy Train.

I was having a conversation with Lawn Boy recently and he was trying to voice some completely valid feelings. I wasn't taking it well and the left ~or is it right?~ side of my brain knew I was out of line, but I couldn't seem to help myself.  

Then he said a few things...heartfelt things, but in a certain tone... and I thought,

"I've been here before,"

and I realized, as he told me he wasn't "going anywhere," that my ex husband had said the SAME.EXACT.THING. almost 7 years to the day before.

Within 24 hours, he was gone.

Logically, I know that Lawn Boy is NOT my ex, but in that moment, I wasn't capable of believing him, because I was in a room, 7 years before, listening to the man to whom I had pledged to love until "death do us part," who'd told me the night before that he would never leave, back his car out of the driveway.

He never came back.

Baggage.
Sometimes it's just too stinkin' heavy! 
 

17 comments:

Leigh Powell Hines (Hines-Sight Blog) said...

I'm sorry. That is so true. Those experiences never leave us.

Not a Perfect Mom said...

boo....I'm sorry I have no words of wisdom and I never quite know what to say in situations like this...
but you know I love you....

Blond Duck said...

IT may be the same words, but it's a different man. And you're a different woman. You know you're independent--all you need is love, not dependance.

Di said...

Oh, I've been there. I have to stop myself from comparing my hubby to my ex who had similar battles and demons to fight. After 6 years it's gotten easier but sometimes I still fail.

Aleta said...

I have two of those baggages... twice divorced. It's hard to let it go, but it's a lot lighter when you do :) It's possible. Just takes some training to shut the voice up. Glad I did, because my husband is worth it :)

Jennifer said...

I understand this feeling so, so well. My perceptions of the way things will be based on the past often screw things up for me in the future.

Shell said...

Oh girl.

But he's not your ex.

So the words mean something different. xo

Renegades said...

Sometimes it's so hard to leave baggage in the past when words now trigger the baggage claim to start running again.

Heather said...

Stinks! But at least you can recognize it, even if it is not in the moment. Baby steps!!!

Jerry E Beuterbaugh said...

"Single Mom in the South" has been included in the Sites To See for this week. I hope this helps to point many new visitors in your direction.

http://asthecrackerheadcrumbles.blogspot.com/2012/09/sites-to-see_14.html

DysFUNctional Mom said...

Oh girl. This makes me hurt for you. I SO get it. Although right now J has more baggage than me. So I'm seeing it from the other side. It's hard. But its par for the course when you're dating at this age & stage.
I'm glad LB is sticking it out. =)

misssrobin said...

Baggage sucks. Isn't it amazing how it takes you back in time?

But how awesome that you realized it! So often our baggage controls us and we don't see it. You saw it. That's a big deal and you should be proud of yourself.

Best wishes.

Happy Sharefest. Have a great weekend.

Kathy ... aka Nana said...

Oh my, been there, done that (and still do a little). Add in a very dysfunctional home as a child, and you've got BAGGAGE.

doseofreality said...

UGH. I hate when old feelings get projected onto new people. I am so sorry. Baggage sucks.

Babes Mami said...

I don't know what to say, baggage is hard stuff!

Mimi B said...

You know, I thought my baggage had shrunk to the size of a carry on. Turns out it's extra large and I'm still dragging it behind me. Not thrilled with it and all that's being unpacked! =(

Mrs4444 said...

This is incredibly poignant and relatable. I've been there, too.