Wednesday, November 28, 2012

It Isn't About the Children

I haven't posted about my ex husband in awhile, mostly because, he just really isn't a part of our lives, but if I am to stay true to my mission of showing you how one single mom handles it all, I feel compelled to share when something does come up ~and because maybe it helps to vent!

Those of you that have been reading for some time, know that my ex and I do not have an amicable relationship, so I keep communication to a bare minimum. He does see the children 2-3 times a year and now that the children are old enough to answer the phone and make calls themselves, I really try to limit contact between him and me to what is required to work out the details of exchanging the children and letting him know if something important crops up.

It is his turn to spend Christmas with the children this year and I had some things I did need to share with him, so last week I sent him an email; the first since this summer.

The response I got back was not surprising, but as always, it was disheartening. I think it caught my family and I off-guard because it had been so long since we'd ~yes "we," I always forward his repsonses to my family~ had to deal with one. My normally level-headed sister, the one who proofreads all of MY responses to make them more business like and less "you are not worth the dirt I'd spit on" was ready to drive up north and punch him in the face. ~Her words, not mine and okay she's hormonal and pregnant... 

It isn't really about the children, you see... it is about money and power and control over me and I just don't understand it. It has been seven years. He has a new family. It is time for him to stop letting me matter so much.

He will most likely see the children, he always does, and they do love and enjoy their time with him, but he still seems so bitter and angry and I truly don't understand why.  I have told you our story ~albeit, from my side~ and even if the grass wasn't as green as he thought on the other side of the fence, it is time to be over the need for power and control.

My heart breaks for my children. As of yet, it does not seem to have affected them, but it will...I know it... as they get older and start to understand some of what goes on. 

From this, while I can ~and have thus far~ cushion the blow, I cannot protect them.

*****

Then a friend, who knows nothing of what is going on, posts the following on facebook

Don't worry about anything; instead pray about everything; tell God your needs and don't forget to thank him for his answers.  If you do this you will experience God's peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. ~Philippians 4; 6-7

and suddenly I know what to do.

14 comments:

torinelson said...

Oh, lady. So sorry you're going through this. You are already so far ahead of the game, though, by realizing that his behavior isn't rooted in care for the kids but rather is coming from a controlling, self-serving place. You can't change the way he is, but it sounds like you have worked hard to make sure your kids have a solid, caring, selfless mother. That counts for a lot :) Hang in there!
Stopping by from SITS,
tori

Julia Hunter said...

Sorry that your ex can't be amicable for the sake of the children. I hope everything works out for your holiday.

Diane said...

Well, I don't know what he said but I imagine I'd be feeling a little like your sister if I knew. What in the HECK does HE have to be bitter and angry about?!

I love that verse, as hard as it is to truly follow sometimes. Taking the high road is always the best way, though definitely not the easiest a lot of the time.

doseofreality said...

I am really sorry. As much as it is bothersome to you, I can only imagine how hard it is to know that it will eventually affect your children. :( I hope that the holidays go smoothly.

Kim said...

Making the right choice isn't always easy, comfortable or convenient, but you can always know that doing so was, well, the right thing. Taking that high road and placing that verse from Philippians in your heart is the best course, and your children will be better people for it. How you behave is being watched by your children, even if it doesn't look like it is. They are learning, and will live by your example. It may take a while, but they will. Prayers your way today!

Mellisa Rock said...

Sorry to hear that and even more sorry that your children are becoming more aware of the situation. You friend is right - pray about it and move on. Sadly you will still have to communicate with him for the sake of your children but there is nothing you can do about when he moves on.

BNM said...

Sorry you have to deal with this and I hope the holidays go smoothly. That verse is very very true pray and let God's will take over.

OneMommy said...

So sorry that the holidays bring about the worst in some people. Praying you and your kids have a wonderful holiday!

Miss Stewart and Students said...

As my friend Brenda always says about some in my family, "At least he's consistent."

It's hard, but keep those expectations low.

Shell said...

Ugh, I'm so sorry that he's being such a jerk. You really would think after all this time, he'd let go of that.

Such a perfect verse to read. xo

NJ @ A Cookie Before Dinner said...

Yuck. He sounds like a real treat. I'm so sorry that he's upset you. Shell is right, you've found the perfect verse to dwell in. I use that one quite often myself. Stopping by today from PYHO.

Mimi B said...

Sigh...I'm not looking forward to when my boys start to understand what happened with their dad. Like you, I've tried protecting my kids, but at some point they grow up and they figure things out. Our job is just to make the transition to understanding as smooth as possible. I'm so thankful for the scripture that was posted. Definitely something I need as well!

Adrienne said...

I'm sorry, sweet girl. That verse brings me peace, and that's probably the best advice any of us can give you. I will send a prayer up for you!

Babes Mami said...

I can't believe the man still behaves this way!!