Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Alone Time

I have been on my own for a long time... 7 years to be exact.  I've established my own routines and filled my free time as I have chosen.
source


Turns out I like ~even need, if you will~ a lot of  alone time.

Thus,  I found myself last night, navigating a tricky path with Lawn Boy.  We have gotten into a pattern where he comes over most nights after my children are in bed, if he doesn't have his own children with him. We have also been slowly increasing the amount of time we all spend together, with all the children or just mine. That means we rarely go more than a day without seeing each other.

Until last night...  We spent the day watching football at his house on Sunday, so he did not come to my house that night, although I think he thought about it, and Monday night he accepted an invitation to go watch football with the guys. He was apologetic and I was... relieved.

I couldn't remember the last time I'd had two nights in a row all to myself.  I realized I needed it. I made myself a to-do list in the morning and actually got everything done that evening! ~Well, except for the Christmas Cards because I am still waiting for Amazon to ship the new power cord for my old laptop so I can access my address list!

Because poor communication was an issue for both of us in our marriages, I  wanted to be honest with Lawn Boy about how I was feeling and so I explained myself... gently... on the phone. 

I told him that I was used to having a lot of alone time and that perhaps I needed more. That we were in that weird spot where our time together felt limited... almost stolen, if you will, so unlike married couples, who just go about their business, when he was here, I wanted to be with him, which kept me from getting done the things I was used to doing when I was alone.  

Blessedly, thankfully, he understood.

We'll see how it goes... this need for space that I have and how it meshes with the new need... the one where I want to be with him. 
 

21 comments:

Leigh Powell Hines said...

That makes total sense. I"m glad things are going well for you and Lawn Boy.

copilotmom said...

I think alone time is important, too. How wonderful that he understood your needs.

Heather said...

When I married and had children my biggest fear was giving up my alone time. Oh I crave it so. And my husband is a much more social person than I am and barely needs any alone time, but we have made it work.

I think it is so important that you picked up the phone and explained it to him. It may not make it easier to find that balance, but at least you are both on the same page about where you are coming from.

Good for you!

Ellen aka Ellie said...

I was single for 19 years between marriages. I loved being alone, and I think that's why I didn't pursue dating.

Now, married, I do love those random alone times. I even have a little song I sing when I drive up to house and realize no one is here but me!

I'm a goof. But I get it.

doseofreality said...

Good for you for being honest and sharing how you were truly feeling! :)

Andrea B. said...

Excellent. I can't imagine what a change this is for you - never mind the emotional and connection-related changes, and the relationship and trust and all that jazz. But the simpler things like these? Critical to remember. I'm glad you were honest and he got you. ;>

Babes Mami said...

hooray for communication! It can be hard to tell a significant other something you think might sound hurtful but a good one will understand! Maybe he needs more alone time too?

ChatterBlossom said...

I require a lot of alone time too. Once we understand that, the easier life becomes because you aren't trying to force yourself to give that up. Great post!
Jamie
http://chatterblossom.blogspot.com/

Britton Jenkins said...

I just went through a divorce (June) and I must say that right now...I am enjoying my time alone. The time I have in between my daughters going to bed and me finally winding down for the evening is indescribable!Thank you for sharing your story. Visiting from SITS.

Shell said...

You'll find the balance.

And you're right- it's so different when you are dating- you feel like you need to really be present, as opposed to when you really are together all the time- and you can go off and have your alone time even if he's just in the next room.

Di said...

I miss having alone time. The kind that actually lets me relax rather then the I'm too tired to move variety!

Di said...

I miss having alone time. The kind that actually lets me relax rather then the I'm too tired to move variety!

Ashley said...

I also REALLY need time alone. My husband works out of town and is gone about 60% of the month. People always say "oh it must be so hard" but it works much better this way! When he retires I'll have to get a job that required me to be gone 60% of the time...at least!

Blond Duck said...

He probably appreciated it!

Missy Bedell said...

I'm so glad he understood. And I understand soooo well - I need a lot of alone time. Thank goodness my husband understands that.

Diane said...

As a woman who NEEDS lots of alone time, I completely get this. Glad he was understanding.

Mellisa Rock said...

My husband and I struggle with this on a weekly basis. I have taken steps lately to give him the time that he needs with me and in return he has tried to give me space to just be alone - but it's a struggle for him since he doesn't really understand the need.

Lucy said...

Isn't honesty awesome?! I'm glad it working out for both of you!

BNM said...

I hope you two can find the balance you need :)

Mrs. Pancakes said...

It's. great that he understood what you needed!

Mrs4444 said...

I can totally appreciate your need for alone time. I don't mind when Mr.4444 has to travel, most of the time. Some day, we'll probably not like alone time, but for now, I'm all for it :)