Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Compromise

I'm all about not putting the cart before the horse. I have resisted having certain conversations with Lawn Boy about the future of our relationship past a certain point.  We ARE committed, but we are not yet in a place where we can discuss dates and timelines etc. As a result, sometimes things creep up sort of sideways as we walk up to the line I won't cross.

Thus I found myself sitting at my dining room table the other night discussing decorating styles and getting really upset... like genuinely pissed off. Fortunately, I didn't emote these feelings, but I couldn't believe how irritated I was on the inside.

You see, I've had free reign of decorating for the entire five years I've lived in my house.  Truthfully, I had most of it in my marriage too ~I'm sure you are shocked.~  I kept most of my furniture because I'd picked it out and got rid of the "concessions" I'd made to my ex's taste. It's generally agreed by anyone that has seen both my home with him up north and my own down here, that the changes I made were for the better.

Now LB's house is decidedly undecorated. In his defense, he hasn't lived there very long and most of his furniture is cast offs from splitting things with his ex. The paint colors are from the previous owner and they do fit what style he has.  It's not awful... it's not even really bachelor-paddish... it's just ...sparse.

I've also been to his old home with his ex.  This is their dream home. It borders palatial.  I was not impressed. I don't want to knock another person's dream home, but I didn't care for the layout and the decorating style... it's sort of contemporary and "I grew up in the 80's."  I had this unnerving sense that this was their dream and bordered really closely on being my decorating nightmare!  I think some of my reaction was a sense of panic over the idea that the style in their home fell in line with the style in his place and I was going to have to somehow make this style work with my own. I think I was hoping her decorating style would be an improvement over his, when really, they are two decorating peas in a pod ~I know, I know, there is huge emotional baggage in visiting the dream home in which your boyfriend lived with his ex, but right now, I'm just talking about the style... I could do a whole 'nother post of the emotional business... am I making sense?  Obviously I'm struggling to explain myself without sounding like a total witch, so that I can better explain my reaction to his comments about my house.

When LB called my decorating style "old-fashioned" I about flipped my lid.  It's not "old-fashioned," but it is definitely more traditional with a bent toward cottage.  Most that enter my home call is "cozy" and "welcoming" which is my whole goal and to me, the highest compliment.

It seems this is another way I am going to have to compromise when I am used to having full control. He wants to have a say in how it goes and I'm going to have to let him, but I'm scared, because my house is cozy and cottagey and comfortable and his...the two I've seen, aren't.  Obviously, I'm willing to do it because I hope to make a life with this man, but darn it!  I don't want dark colors and black leather and gold frames... I want my stuff! *stomps foot and pouts like two-year-old*

And don't even get me started on mattresses...

 

16 comments:

Blond Duck said...

Maybe you could hire a designer that would help you mesh the two styles.

Diane said...

My decorating style is much like what you described yours. I'm all about warm, cozy and cottage-y. Never been a fan of the more contemporary/modern style. Darin had opinions about the decor but we mostly had the same taste and Charlie could not give two flips about it as long as I don't paint the kitchen a rosy pink or something crazy feminine like that.

I'm sure y'all will be able to come to a compromise when the time comes though. ;)

The Dose of Reality said...

I definitely think having compromise on living styles and decorative choices is really hard. Especially like you said, when they are so different and you are used to being in control. In the end, though, y'all will figure it out...happiness trumps throw pillows! ;)

Angelwithatwist said...

I am extremely grateful my spouse and I agree on most choices. We both like homey and comfy more than anything. Which would be apparent by the ease with which people come to visit and find themselves napping without warning because they are so comfortable lol. Maybe I need to rethink my decorating and have cozy not sleep inducing comfortable, like being at your own home.

Cyndy Newsome said...

Oh, girl, I feel your pain. Fortunately H and I do have very similar tastes in decorating, except for the SIX- yes SIX - deer heads hanging in the living room. And the countless mounted antlers in the BEDROOM. Dear God. But seriously other than that our stuff meshes together very well. It's almost spooky.
Um...good luck!!! lol

Heather said...

My husband has zero decorating style like zilch. Which is good, but also frustrating because sometimes I want another opinion. For example this weekend I was talking about painting the fireplace white to lighten up the livining room his eyes immediately started glossing over and I could tell he was thinking about anything, but the living room. And I had pictures and everything to show him! Luckily my oldest is now old enough to collaborate and offer opinions so I use her for my sounding board.

Can you give him a man cave or something. Maybe he can have free reign over that room.

Leighannn said...

This is why my husband has a garage and the rest is mine to decorate ;)

Shell said...

Black leather- just no. LOL

Hopefully you'll find something that fits you both.

You should see Hubs and me when we go look at houses. We are so far apart on what we want that we'll probably stay where we are forever, just by default.

Charlotte Klein said...

Decorating styles are a huge HUGE source of contention for many couples. I think it's okay to compare, but, as hurtful as it was for him to make jest of your style, it's just as hurtful for him to hear your POV. Maybe think of it as not judging each other's tastes/likes; think of a way to combine the two into something that is functional and livable.

And yes. I realize that is TOTALLY way easier said than done. Good luck, momma. You will get there; I just know you will! XOXO

Leslie said...

Ouch. Not an easy situation AT ALL. My husband loves ultra-contemporary d├ęcor; which I often find interesting to look at but too cold for a family home. I’d say we’ve ended up with more of a transitional feel. That said, who’s ever heard of the man having a say in decorating the home? Nope…not in my home at least.

Andrea B. said...

OK, no gold frames. Draw the absolute line there. Black leather isn't so bad. And dark colors can mesh with your own. And force them into a man cave if need be. It'll work out when the time comes and you're both ready. This will be the least of your compromises, but I get why it's a frontrunner of the concerns right now!

Ilene, The Fierce Diva Guide to Life said...

Decorating a home can be emotional on so many levels. I know you two will find your compromises...in time.

Aleta said...

I think this is a great topic! When Greg and I first dated, he had a furnished home and I had a furnished home. Different styles and I've definitely had to adjust, but it's important for people to read posts like this... so many of us enjoy our freedom of being single and then get shell shocked with situations like this.

Stephanie said...

Oh this is so not easy!! I wish you all the best..and hope he caves! lol

Mimi B said...

Oh my goodness, totally laughed when I read this only because I had the same experience, somewhat, a few weeks ago. I saw my guys "dream home" that he shared with his ex and I just looked at it and thought, "seriously? THAT was your dream home?! And it cost you, WHAT?!" The home he's currently in is extremely small and as sparse as LB's is, I'm sure. The only thing I want when I get my own home again, is my dining room table from the old house. The rest I could care less about. As for decorating, I stink at it and would love to have someone come in and help me stage it! lol

Babes Mami said...

the only things we really disagree on are, knick knacks, I hate them and he loves them. The more the better! We've compromised over the years to where we have a few out but it doesn't look like a garage sale of bits and pieces. Good luck!!