Wednesday, March 6, 2013


Last week's post about my acquaintance lead some of you to inquire as to whether or not it was this person.

It was not.

Sadly, but fortunately, that person and I are no longer on speaking terms. It's been close to a year, give or take a few months, since we've spoken. I haven't posted about it, because I didn't really know what to say and wasn't sure I could find the words to do so diplomatically.

Do you ever stop and look at yourself and wonder what in the world you are doing? 

Do you ever wonder why you are surrounding yourself with people whom you allow to influence you to make choices you wouldn't normally make? 

There are some uncomfortable things about being a single mom; It can be really lonely, so it's hard to pass up invitations from people that maybe you wouldn't usually accept, because it gives you something to do. In addition, sometimes being a single mom makes you feel like the broken one, so it's oddly comforting to know people whose situation is worse than yours, because they make you feel more normal.  

That's where I found myself last year.  I had been in a rut and needed to step out of my comfort zone, so I allowed myself to be sucked into friendships with a few people who encouraged that, but sometimes it can go too far. Oh, I wasn't doing anything illegal or immoral, but I was making choices that I wouldn't normally make.  I was also being asked to support someone else while she did things that went against what I ~and truthfully most people~ believe is right.

This girl's life was spinning out of control. She had made the choice to end her marriage, but it was happening in dramatic fashion and she was making choices that were irrational and out of proper, as well as legal, order, which added to an already volatile situation.  All the while, she was hanging on to me for dear life.  I didn't know how to stop the crazy train because she had always been so encouraging and supportive of me and I didn't want to turn my back on her in her time of need.

Then she did it for me... blew up in such an over-the-top manner about one thing when she was really upset about something else.  At the time, I immediately apologized for my part, but since that wasn't really what she was upset over, my apology was not accepted.

She inadvertently gave me an out...a way to step back and re-prioritize... to get out of an uncomfortable and potentially unsafe situation. I think she expected that I would grovel and beg for her friendship and forgiveness, but beyond my initial attempt to apologize, I did not.  Instead, I backed off and kept my distance. I knew I had made the right choice when rather than being upset by the lost friendship I was ... relieved.

I'm better for it.  People that I can now see had distanced themselves from me because of her have come back into my life. I'm making choices for myself and my children with which I am 100% comfortable. There is no nagging feeling in the back of my mind causing me to question my motives and wonder if I am doing the right thing.  We are happy.

It's a good place to be.


Angelwithatwist said...

Oh I hate having to be put in that situation. My husband and I had a friend who neither of us could tolerate the wife. We accepted her because of him. He even described her as a tornado. Come in screw up everything leaving all in shambles and poof gone leaving us with the destruction of her presence. When he was killed we tried to be there for her and the kids, which was the only reason he stayed like he did. Finally we had to say enough. She tries to pop in from time to time and we politely walk away. It feels good to do that without guilt, but is sad that someone does that to people in the first place.

The Dose of Reality said...

I hear you! I had a friendship end and at the end of the day, it was a relief. Whew! That's how you know you really did the right thing. Good for you!! --Lisa

Diane said...

I've been in situations like that and always felt like a a huge weight had been lifted when it was over. Glad you have found your happy place. :)

Heather said...

Sometimes you don't know how bad it is until you take a step back. I am happy that you got out of the toxic relationship. People like that are ready to go down in flames and willing to take a lot of people down with them.

Tricia said...

Were we friends with the same person? It sounds like we were. Regardless,I'm glad we are both finished with her/them.

Ilene, The Fierce Diva Guide to Life said...

Distance is an amazing thing and sometimes friendships that once worked no longer work. This has happened to me.

Andrea B. said...

You know how much I know this.

And I don't think I realized that you weren't friends with that friend anymore, but that's good. Toxicity is not needed in our lives.

I send you love and hugs and strength and all that joy you need. And I miss you! xo

Shell said...

I'm so glad you found your way out of that friendship. It doesn't sound healthy.

Babes Mami said...

We already talked about this a bit but, I too am so glad you were given the out!