Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Sometimes, You Just Can't Help Yourself

Some people, simply by being themselves, seem to speak to all of your insecurities in one complete package.

You know you should be sympathetic or in the very least, understanding, especially since deep down, they probably, suffer even more so than you do.

Sure, they are a size 4, but they have had to exercise obsessively and have plastic surgery to be so and you know that their natural state is pretty similar to yours, except that wasn't good enough for them, so instead you just feel fat.

Sure they seem to hold themselves with confidence, but you know that many people around them have distanced themselves because their abrasive personality and the way they treat those close to them rubs people the wrong way. Even though you have your own group of friends and those same people find you caring and kind, you are conscious that you are taking their place in the circle.

Sure they have a  beautiful, big, "forever" home, but it turns out, it wasn't beautiful or big enough, nor was it "forever", so another one has to be built so they can try to achieve a level of material success in hopes to find the happiness for which they seem so desperate to find. Even though you don't want a house that big and never have, and the one you do have is lovely and welcoming, you look around and see the clutter and the dirt smudges and feel your house will never measure up.

You know with their brash manners and inappropriate clothing, they will more than likely be shunned by the exact group they so desperately seek to be a part of. You know that according to others, you generally seem to pull off taste and grace in public, but you also know what you are thinking in your head and this makes you feel guilty.

You KNOW all this, but still you compare yourself on the surface and you feel YOU don't measure up. You feel YOU are being judged when in fact you are the one judging. You know you are letting them, people who shouldn't matter, take up too much space in your head.

It's an uncomfortable feeling.

But sometimes, you can't help yourself.
 

6 comments:

The Dose of Reality said...

Excellent post. We have all been there, and it is really hard. We spend a lot of time around people who appear to have a lot more than we do...but do they really? On the inside? Probably not.-The Dose Girls

Ilene Evans said...

I totally understand feeling like I am the one being judged when I am the once judging. And I still do it!

Shell said...

I hate when I find myself comparing myself to others- even though I *know* better, I just can't help it.

Maureen Hitipeuw said...

It is quite challenging to stop ourselves from comparison isn't? But I am learning to stop that :) Great post!

Leah said...

Truth is we compare our "worst" with someone else's "best" (what they want us to see)... That will always make us feel bad:(( We need to try to remember what we see isn't half if it!

Aleta said...

I have a friend who financially can't afford to keep up with the Johnses but she puts herself in credit card debt in order to do so. Not cool, not worth it.

I have a niece who wants to be Barbie, like a living version - bleach blond hair, botox and a boob job. not worth it either. People age, bodies are the way they are supposed to be. Plastic stuff in your body is ... plastic..