Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Paralyzed

I sat in the chair.

Paralyzed.

I could not... or would not... move.

We were at the pool and the sister of someone about whom I'm very sensitive joined us with her children. She started to settle into the beach chair in front of me and I realized she, a few years older than me and also a single mother, was wearing a bikini.  She kept herself guarded from view by the chair and only turned to talk one time once she was settled, so I could not see how well she wore it, but she still had it on.

Mine sat at home in the drawer. Instead, I sat behind her in my Land's End "Mom Suit" and I could not get out of the chair. Despite that fact that I'd just been in the pool in front of everyone else not ten minutes before.

Maybe if she'd been in a "Mom Suit" too I would have been okay, but that stupid bikini stopped me in my tracks and I could not get up.

For fear that she would judge me and even worse, call her sister, so they could judge me together.

I would if it was me.

Instead of cooling off and joining the fun in the water with the children, I sat there and got sunburned and overheated... I wouldn't even get up to refill my water bottle... until I pulled on my cover up and retreated to the car to cool off, grumpy and defeated.

Will I ever be comfortable in my own skin?
 
Mama’s Losin’ It
1.) Describe a time you made things...awkward.

19 comments:

Bev Feldman said...

It took me until my early adulthood to feel comfortable in my own skin. Now that I'm pregnant and body is going to completely change, I can only imagine what it will be like after I have the baby.

Just remember, people pay less attention to us than we think we do (I have to keep reminding myself this!)

The Dose of Reality said...

Aaahhh, yes, we have all been there. Good news is that she was too busy thinking about how she looked in her bikini to probably notice how you looked in your mom suit! ;)-Ashley

Shell said...

Oh girl. You are beautiful. Don't let anyone make you feel like you need that cover up!

Leah said...

Ahh yes, the suit struggle. I can wear a bikini when I am SURE no one around me knows me. But when anyone does know me (and generally when my kids are around) it's Mom suit for me. BUT - ya know what?? Most women actually look better in a "Mom suit" and there are so many beautiful, classy, flattering suits... I think CONFIDENCE is the difference - and sometimes you gotta fake it and strut your stuff around and be proud of the beautiful - and working - bodies we have all been blessed with!

Michelle Nahom said...

I cannot wear a bikini anymore. I just wouldn't be comfortable at all in it....definitely not comfortable in my own skin when it comes to that! Honestly though, I think people are most critical when it comes to themselves and she was probably more concerned at how she looked in her bikini.

Kat said...

I don't feel comfortable in any bathing suit. It's a shame that society has us so ashamed of our bodies that we are willing to miss out on activities with our kids for fear of being judged. You are beautiful; I am beautiful. It's a mantra we need to repeat to ourselves over and over until we truly get it and don't give a damn what others may think.

Dyanne @ I Want Backsies said...

Just because you "can" wear a bikini doesn't mean you should. I'm sure you were much more tasteful in your mom suit.

Stacey said...

It is so hard after babies. You are not at all alone! I'm not sure I could be totally comfortable in a bikini. I'm so aware of my flaws and, like you, am certain others are too. My husband keeps telling me it's not as bad as I think it is.

Mama Melch said...

I have 3 bikini wearing sister in laws, and I feel your pain completely. I always just tell my husband, "sorry, you got the smart funny one."

OneMommy said...

Sometimes we worry more about what others will think of us than they'd ever think. We live in a world where we constantly compare ourselves to others.

I hope next time you ignore her and enjoy your time at the pool!

crazychristianchick said...

Awww, I'm so sorry you had to go through that :(
And I don't care if I looked like Heidi Klum, I'll never wear a bikini again. I'm just over it. Then again, I never go swimming so I don't have to worry about it ;)

Here from Mama Kat's. I wrote about an awkward experience today too.

Mama Kat said...

For what it's worth, I haven't even worn a pair of shorts since high school...forget about a swimsuit. You're already five times more brave than I am!

bill lisleman said...

I suspect you were not thinking this post would be good to share with a guy but I must say it's a bit of an eye opener. I do believe this is one of the big differences between the sexes. Not that we don't think about appearances and we are all different in our attitudes about this. I just think a simple visit to a pool with people you know would rarely affect a guy like this. The post should be read by guys/fathers (ones that pay attention anyway) because it shows a feeling that we don't often experience. It could help understand the strange opposite sex a little better. thanks

Cyndy Bush said...

I think being divorced and then remarried or dating moms makes a big difference. We have a major presence to compare ourselves to.
Imagine my delight when I saw B's ex for the first time and her ass was HUGE. lol =X Awful, but true.

Paige Faulkner said...

Be who you are and love it! If we all looked perfect this world would be boring. : )

Charlotte Klein said...

Oh, hunny... *HUGS* be proud of who you are in that suit. I know it's so much easier said than done, but I'm sure she wouldn't have discussed this with her sister and if she DID?? All the more reason why you don't need catty people in your life like that. You are beautiful; don't ever let anyone make you feel otherwise. XOXO

AiringMyDirtyLaundry said...

I so understand. I wear tankinis. I just don't feel comfortable wearing a bikini. Honestly, before I had kids when I had a flat stomach, I still didn't wear them because I felt naked.

Carol said...

Why do we do that to ourselves? I was always so thin as a teenager and young adult. I was uncomfortable with that. Now... I am much older, many pounds heavier, and feel uncomfortable with that. We should stop doing this! We'll do it together!

Mimi B said...

Isn't it strange how one person can have such a huge effect on us? =( I'm sorry you had to go through that! I don't know if I'll ever be comfortable in my skin either. It really just sucks.